no because my parents just showed up unannounced and walked in on me wearing my “zen mode” outfit—those giant dinosaur slippers, a faded tank top from a ten year old concert, and matching plaid pajama shorts. they took one look and immediately thought my life choices involved existential dread and an unhealthy obsession with snacks. they were right—I had a family-sized bag of chips sitting next to...
day 2 of the snowstorm and i decided to scroll through linkedin. saw my position was posted. not just my position, but with some cheesy tag line about "seeking dedicated talent". dedicated talent? sweetie, i was the one who set up the office coffee machine with only water for a month straight. what happens next? do i write a heart-wrenching resignation letter? do i join the “fema family” and becom...
not gonna lie, I thought I was gonna be the life of the party but somehow ended up as the unofficial referee in a couch debate about whether pineapples belong on pizza. and now I’m wondering if I accidentally signed a secret pact to be the unpopular one. I spent a solid twenty minutes preparing an epic defense for my stance, but all I really did was lose my voice and credibility. it feels like I’m single-handedly holding back the civil war of toppings, and honestly, why is nobody considering the TRUE enemy here… the crust? #couchdebates #pizzawars
not gonna lie, I thought I was gonna be the life of the party but somehow ended up as the unofficial referee in a couch debate about whether pineapples belong on pizza. and now I’m wondering if I accidentally signed a secret pact to be the unpopular one. I spent a solid twenty minutes preparing an epic defense for my stance, but all I really did was lose my voice and credibility. it feels like I’m single-handedly holding back the civil war of toppings, and honestly, why is nobody considering the TRUE enemy here… the crust? #couchdebates #pizzawars
it's not that i'm jealous of a fictional character dating my celebrity crush, it's just that i spent two hours designing a whole Pinterest board about their wedding. and then i realized, in my head, they don’t even EXIST, yet here i am, picking out the perfect flower arrangements. someone should really stop me before i create an Instagram account for their future kids. #delusions #truelove