did you ever give someone a second chance just to find out they used it to microwave popcorn instead? like, honestly, who literally gives a second chance to something so trivial? now my favorite microwave popcorn bowl feels like betrayal personified. do i throw it out, or should I literally just wait for the smell of burnt kernels to remind me of my bad life choices?
i just realized my favorite pair of socks could pay my rent if i sold them—so now i’m sitting here weighing my OPTIONS, plotting a little sock auction like i’m a fashion icon when really, they're just stained and one has a hole—guess what, world? they are MY comfort item and the “looks” i get are pure motivation!
day 16 of my plan to impress my neighbor with my unparalleled grilling skills. he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship after i brought over homemade hot sauce and an awkward bouquet of basil. last week, i literally saw him propose to someone who definitely did not cook. it honestly felt like an episode of a really bad soap opera, except i was the pathetic side character wearing a barbeque apron, staring at the grill that now holds more emotional weight than my love life.
day 16 of my plan to impress my neighbor with my unparalleled grilling skills. he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship after i brought over homemade hot sauce and an awkward bouquet of basil. last week, i literally saw him propose to someone who definitely did not cook. it honestly felt like an episode of a really bad soap opera, except i was the pathetic side character wearing a barbeque apron, staring at the grill that now holds more emotional weight than my love life.
it's 2am and I just bought a ceramic garden gnome on sale for thirty percent off. who needs a garden gnome, you ask? obviously me, because this one has a fishing rod and a tiny fishing hat. I spent fifteen minutes justifying this purchase to myself, all while my neighbor probably heard me debating the aesthetics of outdoor décor. so now I’m staring at this gnome like it's my life coach, and I just...