so there i was, confidently gluing googly eyes onto every random object in my house, because my side hustle as a quirky artist was taking off. i mean, who knew that a plush banana with eyes could become an internet sensation? turns out, my main job is just paying for my grocery bill now. no shame though, my banana is more popular than i am, and frankly, it might just be more well-adjusted too! #qu...
it's not that i actually believe my goldfish knows my secrets... it's just that if i die alone one day, he is absolutely the only one who will be like, “he drank from the toilet again.” meanwhile, the company i loyally feed three different flakes to every day? they would flush me down faster than i can say “this water is foul.”
it's not that i believe in UFOs or anything, it's just... when someone says "I saw something weird in the sky," and everyone looks excited, i literally smile and nod like i haven't watched a conspiracy video for the last three nights. because honestly, sometimes it's easier to act like i'm in on the joke than to admit the truth: i only believe in that weird smell at the back of the fridge that literally never goes away.
it's not that i believe in UFOs or anything, it's just... when someone says "I saw something weird in the sky," and everyone looks excited, i literally smile and nod like i haven't watched a conspiracy video for the last three nights. because honestly, sometimes it's easier to act like i'm in on the joke than to admit the truth: i only believe in that weird smell at the back of the fridge that literally never goes away.
not gonna lie, the other day i accidentally panicked when someone said 'i love you.' my brain went into full-on malfunction mode. instead of responding like a normal person, i just thanked them like they offered me a cup of tea. now i lowkey want to manifest a reality where they believe i was just super grateful for their exceptional taste in compliments. if only “thank you” could magically transl...