just found out my company laid off half the team and somehow assigned ME the workload of the entire department—like, am I the new Gabriel Magalhaes? over here gifting goals to my sanity. so now I'm in this office bunker surrounded by empty desks, processing my grief with snacks like I’m attending a bizarre funeral for my workload. —and then I remembered I once stayed up until 2am practicing my bre...
last night, i calculated how my life would be different if i had chosen to go left instead of right at that random intersection three years ago. apparently, i would have been living a peaceful life with a pet turtle named Gus, who enjoys classical music and not caring about the state of the world. instead, here i am, still arguing with my plants about why they cannot talk back, which is honestly m...
not gonna lie, my life hit a breaking point at this holiday dinner. imagine a family gathering turning into a 'your life choices' intervention. while i’m over here trying to dodge comments about my career, uncle rick decides to reference that gaffe by gabriel magalhães like it’s the ultimate life metaphor. he literally said “you keep gifting goals to the universe like that dude gifted one to Bournemouth.” so now i’m supposed to explain how my last five job interviews ended with “we’ll keep your resume on file”? do you think they even look at it? #GabrielMagalhes #lifeisfunny
not gonna lie, my life hit a breaking point at this holiday dinner. imagine a family gathering turning into a 'your life choices' intervention. while i’m over here trying to dodge comments about my career, uncle rick decides to reference that gaffe by gabriel magalhães like it’s the ultimate life metaphor. he literally said “you keep gifting goals to the universe like that dude gifted one to Bournemouth.” so now i’m supposed to explain how my last five job interviews ended with “we’ll keep your resume on file”? do you think they even look at it? #GabrielMagalhes #lifeisfunny
ok but I just sent the most bland text imaginable after crafting a confession about my life crisis for an hour. like, I’m literally trying to impress a guy who thinks Juventus FC is a fashion label. meanwhile, I can’t even figure out how to pair socks in the morning. can you believe he probably never even saw my carefully curated three-part text about my existential dread? why do I keep doing this...