not gonna lie, I just discovered my cousin has been faking a pet iguana for three years. like, every family gathering she has been hiding this small lizard made of felt behind her couch and showing us photoshopped pictures. I thought it was an actual emotional support animal. I even asked if it would be okay to feed it crickets last Thanksgiving. the betrayal—my own flesh and blood had me ready t...
the moment i read about caleb williams' contract, i realized my life choices were worse than some small-town barista missing the foam on a cappuccino. everyone said to leave my high school best friend, who keeps ghosting me after we binge-watched reality shows. but i still think of him like i think about those elite salaries. maybe if i wait long enough, he'll come back and acknowledge i exist aga...
wait, just accidentally voice texted my thoughts about how i should retaliate against the neighbor who parks too close to my car. like, what if i just glue a huge note on their windshield saying "your car has bad vibes"? or maybe replace their air freshener with…something really weird like bacon scented spray. but then what if they think it’s a compliment and get bacon scented candles to thank me or—
wait, just accidentally voice texted my thoughts about how i should retaliate against the neighbor who parks too close to my car. like, what if i just glue a huge note on their windshield saying "your car has bad vibes"? or maybe replace their air freshener with…something really weird like bacon scented spray. but then what if they think it’s a compliment and get bacon scented candles to thank me or—
it's not that i don't appreciate my friends' feedback, it's just... they don't have to call my obsession with building model castles a "fascination with being alone." like, sure, i may have turned my entire bedroom into a tiny medieval kingdom, but who wouldn't want to have THIRTEEN different versions of a drawbridge? i mean, the DRAMA of model life is next level. also, it’s not my fault the neigh...