it’s 3am and i’m up because the internet is exploding about this larry ellison thing. meanwhile, my roommate’s been plotting to get his autograph from a guy whose fan account i thought was a trusted source—how naive was i? turns out, they spilled the tea on a bidding war i wasn’t even involved in and now im feeling betrayed like im in an episode of a reality show. why do i care about the drama of ...
literally just spent twenty minutes imagining how to confront the pizza guy about my order being wrong. like, I practiced my tone. it was going to be assertive yet polite. then I remembered I literally only ordered a side of extra ranch. at this point, I am more prepared for a TED talk than a conversation about salad dressing.
it’s 2am and i just spent four hours contemplating which elton john song to use as the soundtrack for my ‘living alone with 15 plants and no social life’ montage. like, i literally settled on “tiny dancer” only to realize—why am i planning a montage? my reality is not a movie. also, how do you turn kneecaps into jewelry? because at this point, i’m ready to sell some body parts just to afford a ticket to his next concert. #EltonJohn #lifechoices
it’s 2am and i just spent four hours contemplating which elton john song to use as the soundtrack for my ‘living alone with 15 plants and no social life’ montage. like, i literally settled on “tiny dancer” only to realize—why am i planning a montage? my reality is not a movie. also, how do you turn kneecaps into jewelry? because at this point, i’m ready to sell some body parts just to afford a ticket to his next concert. #EltonJohn #lifechoices
it’s wild seeing someone you grew up with act like they have no clue who you are, while i’m here still remembering when we used to draw comic book characters together in that shady treehouse—do i need to hire a personal injury attorney for the emotional trauma of it all? just because we both have jobs now doesn’t mean you can pretend i didn’t accidentally stick you with a pencil that one time—clea...