literally caught myself rooting for the couple arguing over the last avocado at the grocery store—my heart was racing as the guy leaned in and whispered something dramatic—and just as I started to imagine their tragic love story, she pulled out a coupon and he looked devastated.
it’s 3am and i’m up because the internet is exploding about this larry ellison thing. meanwhile, my roommate’s been plotting to get his autograph from a guy whose fan account i thought was a trusted source—how naive was i? turns out, they spilled the tea on a bidding war i wasn’t even involved in and now im feeling betrayed like im in an episode of a reality show. why do i care about the drama of ...
literally just spent twenty minutes imagining how to confront the pizza guy about my order being wrong. like, I practiced my tone. it was going to be assertive yet polite. then I remembered I literally only ordered a side of extra ranch. at this point, I am more prepared for a TED talk than a conversation about salad dressing.
literally just spent twenty minutes imagining how to confront the pizza guy about my order being wrong. like, I practiced my tone. it was going to be assertive yet polite. then I remembered I literally only ordered a side of extra ranch. at this point, I am more prepared for a TED talk than a conversation about salad dressing.
it’s 2am and i just spent four hours contemplating which elton john song to use as the soundtrack for my ‘living alone with 15 plants and no social life’ montage. like, i literally settled on “tiny dancer” only to realize—why am i planning a montage? my reality is not a movie. also, how do you turn kneecaps into jewelry? because at this point, i’m ready to sell some body parts just to afford a tic...