WhisperDog

Advice: so there i was, trying to send a sweet text to my neighbor about their lovely ga…

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ok but i packed up my whole life and moved to a city where the air smells like overpriced candles. three months later, he left me for a guy who works at a pretzel stand. now i'm here contemplating whether to buy a gigantic inflatable unicorn for my empty pool or just a 15-pack of frozen pizzas for comfort. like, am i too far gone?

so there i was, trying to send a sweet text to my neighbor about their lovely garden, but my phone heard my inner monologue instead. somehow, it translated “maybe stop putting flamingos everywhere?” into a voice message. the worst part? i sent it, and now my neighbor thinks i have an obsession with garden decor. i am literally plotting my escape from the neighborhood and nobody talks about how i can't leave until i find a replacement flamingo.

so there i was, trying to send a sweet text to my neighbor about their lovely garden, but my phone heard my inner monologue instead. somehow, it translated “maybe stop putting flamingos everywhere?” into a voice message. the worst part? i sent it, and now my neighbor thinks i have an obsession with garden decor. i am literally plotting my escape from the neighborhood and nobody talks about how i can't leave until i find a replacement flamingo.

just heard kyrie irving is announcing major career news. meanwhile, i declined plans because i couldn't admit i was too broke to even buy popcorn. instead, i was scrolling through my crush's old posts and tried to convince myself that their happiness should somehow be MINE. not gonna lie, i even started planning an entire CONVERSATION with them in my head like we were best friends. never met them,...