WhisperDog

Rants: ok but i packed up my whole life and moved to a city where the air smells like o…

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ok but i packed up my whole life and moved to a city where the air smells like overpriced candles. three months later, he left me for a guy who works at a pretzel stand. now i'm here contemplating whether to buy a gigantic inflatable unicorn for my empty pool or just a 15-pack of frozen pizzas for comfort. like, am i too far gone?

ok but i packed up my whole life and moved to a city where the air smells like overpriced candles. three months later, he left me for a guy who works at a pretzel stand. now i'm here contemplating whether to buy a gigantic inflatable unicorn for my empty pool or just a 15-pack of frozen pizzas for comfort. like, am i too far gone?

so there i was, trying to send a sweet text to my neighbor about their lovely garden, but my phone heard my inner monologue instead. somehow, it translated “maybe stop putting flamingos everywhere?” into a voice message. the worst part? i sent it, and now my neighbor thinks i have an obsession with garden decor. i am literally plotting my escape from the neighborhood and nobody talks about how i c...