wait, so i spent three hours memorizing the exact menu at a restaurant that i’ve never been to. my crush mentioned they liked the truffle mac and cheese. i wanted to impress them, like some kind of culinary savant or something. then my dad found me practicing my “surprised” face in the mirror, only to say, "i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed.” like, in that moment, all my dreams of being a foodie ...
it's not that i'm still mad about the knicks score, it's just that i’m staring at my ancient karaoke machine at 3am, remembering the time i belted out the theme song to a reality show in front of my entire middle school class for a project and nobody even clapped. ten years later, my deepest shame is louder than a buzzer beater. how did i not realize the only audience i had were the cringey ghost...
just spent three hours composing a heartfelt letter about how "meri zindagi hai tu" reflects my emotional struggles. got a response with a single emoji. it was the wrong emoji. it was a dancing one. am i meant to believe they are my soulmate now? clearly the universe is setting us up for the greatest plot twist of all time. #MeriZindagiHaiTu #lifeisadrama
just spent three hours composing a heartfelt letter about how "meri zindagi hai tu" reflects my emotional struggles. got a response with a single emoji. it was the wrong emoji. it was a dancing one. am i meant to believe they are my soulmate now? clearly the universe is setting us up for the greatest plot twist of all time. #MeriZindagiHaiTu #lifeisadrama
literally just got told I have to work the weekend again because apparently, my boss thinks I am a robot. I mean, I can barely open a jar of pickles without panicking. now I am googling "how to survive a weekend in despair" and honestly? All I find is about Amy Klobuchar running for governor. obviously, that's important and all, but my immediate concern is whether I can survive on snack-sized puff...