Advice: bruh, I just stumbled on old texts from my coworker who was ALL about “let's cru…

i once had this brilliant idea for a birthday gift for my cousin. it was a gourmet cheese basket, but not just any cheese, like, rare artisan stuff. so what happens in the family group chat? everyone praises my aunt’s idea of a cookie cake. i’m sitting there imagining my cheese dreams being crushed. moral of the story: never let your family know you have taste. they'll just ruin your culinary ambi...

i just liked a post about brandi carlile while searching for my ex’s new girlfriend's profile and i panicked so hard that i accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. i swear i almost apologised to the furniture—like, sorry desk, didn’t mean to make you the witness to my social media breakdown. now my laptop might drown, and i can't decide if it's worse that my browsing skills are that obvious...

so, they said they needed space. no biggie, right? but now i see them posting with a giant inflatable unicorn at a pool party, while i'm over here debating if my left shoe has a better personality than my right. like, what do you even say to the inflatable unicorn? "thanks for stepping in where i couldn't?" this is clearly the new benchmark for having a good time, and i'm just here forming emotion...