wait, my parents were my age when they got their first house, a dog, and an actual kitchen. like, i can barely manage to keep a single houseplant alive, and they had a whole family. how did they pick wallpaper without going into existential dread? meanwhile, i spent my morning deciding between two different kinds of frozen pizza and naming my houseplant after a character from a show nobody watches...
it’s day 28 of my neighbors fighting over who owns the giant gnome in their yard. they said they needed space but now they’re using it as a centerpiece for their block parties. I just sat there eating cereal from a mug while they hosted a full-on buffet around the gnome. honestly, it’s almost a love triangle... between two people and a garden ornament that definitely has more charisma than me.
wait. just found out my plants were dying because i never bothered to talk to them. they’re not even wilting from thirst. turns out my emotional neglect was the real drought. now i'm wondering if it’s too late to start whispering sweet nothings or if they’ve given up on me entirely.
wait. just found out my plants were dying because i never bothered to talk to them. they’re not even wilting from thirst. turns out my emotional neglect was the real drought. now i'm wondering if it’s too late to start whispering sweet nothings or if they’ve given up on me entirely.
so there i was, daydreaming about winning a bake-off that hasn’t even been announced yet. in my head, i practiced my humble acceptance speech while holding an imaginary trophy. then my neighbor popped by to borrow sugar and i confidently declared, “thank you, thank you! i would like to thank my oven for believing in me.” she blinked. that’s when i realized, i wont even participate in a bake-off. n...