it’s day 28 of my neighbors fighting over who owns the giant gnome in their yard. they said they needed space but now they’re using it as a centerpiece for their block parties. I just sat there eating cereal from a mug while they hosted a full-on buffet around the gnome. honestly, it’s almost a love triangle... between two people and a garden ornament that definitely has more charisma than me.
wait. just found out my plants were dying because i never bothered to talk to them. they’re not even wilting from thirst. turns out my emotional neglect was the real drought. now i'm wondering if it’s too late to start whispering sweet nothings or if they’ve given up on me entirely.
so there i was, daydreaming about winning a bake-off that hasn’t even been announced yet. in my head, i practiced my humble acceptance speech while holding an imaginary trophy. then my neighbor popped by to borrow sugar and i confidently declared, “thank you, thank you! i would like to thank my oven for believing in me.” she blinked. that’s when i realized, i wont even participate in a bake-off. never baked anything in my life. #delusionalconfidence #bakeoffdreams
so there i was, daydreaming about winning a bake-off that hasn’t even been announced yet. in my head, i practiced my humble acceptance speech while holding an imaginary trophy. then my neighbor popped by to borrow sugar and i confidently declared, “thank you, thank you! i would like to thank my oven for believing in me.” she blinked. that’s when i realized, i wont even participate in a bake-off. never baked anything in my life. #delusionalconfidence #bakeoffdreams
day 47 of feeding my plant nothing but positive energy and, like, literally talking to it every day. it looks just as wilted as when i got it, and i swear i’m starting to hear whispers in the leaves telling me to stop. at this point, it has my hopes and dreams trapped inside, but it literally won't even give me a single new leaf. i might have to stage an intervention or something, like, plant ther...