so i found out my sibling is the family’s favorite not by way of golden child behavior — no, no — they are like a government stimulus check, mysteriously dropping in the household with ALL the perks, while i’m sitting here on a recliner built for one, imagining my royalty payments for writing letters to my high school crush, who turned out to be just a lingering barista fantasy in my head — meanwh...
last night, i checked my emails while crying into my cereal, and my boss decided to drop the news about nuno borges' big win. like, literally? meanwhile, i’m about to lose my mind waiting three days for my paycheck to hit, while my bills mock me like i'm in some twisted game show where the prize is crushing debt. funny how nuno is out there winning big and im just trying not to get evicted by my w...
wait, my parents were my age when they got their first house, a dog, and an actual kitchen. like, i can barely manage to keep a single houseplant alive, and they had a whole family. how did they pick wallpaper without going into existential dread? meanwhile, i spent my morning deciding between two different kinds of frozen pizza and naming my houseplant after a character from a show nobody watches.
wait, my parents were my age when they got their first house, a dog, and an actual kitchen. like, i can barely manage to keep a single houseplant alive, and they had a whole family. how did they pick wallpaper without going into existential dread? meanwhile, i spent my morning deciding between two different kinds of frozen pizza and naming my houseplant after a character from a show nobody watches.
it’s day 28 of my neighbors fighting over who owns the giant gnome in their yard. they said they needed space but now they’re using it as a centerpiece for their block parties. I just sat there eating cereal from a mug while they hosted a full-on buffet around the gnome. honestly, it’s almost a love triangle... between two people and a garden ornament that definitely has more charisma than me.