I let my roommate take the blame when we accidentally broke the neighbor's weird lawn gnome. I was too busy apologizing to the wall for the awkward silence to speak up. Now, I sit here, half-wondering if I should just confess or… wait, are they really threatening to involve Jacob Frey? Oh god, how did it come to this? #JacobFrey #oops
wait, have you ever literally imagined an entire life where you get an award for "Best Grocery Store Scanner"? like, I mean, I could see myself being interviewed on national television, proudly declaring how I organized canned beans by color. but then I remember I can't even find the cereal aisle without Googling a map first. who am I kidding? #DeluluGoals #FutureOscarWinner
it's not that I regret my choices, it's just... I literally spend my mornings pondering how I could have been a world-class jam maker, sipping tea with bees while wearing a monocle. honestly, who knew picking a stable career would come with so many dreams of fruity spreads and artisanal toast?
it's not that I regret my choices, it's just... I literally spend my mornings pondering how I could have been a world-class jam maker, sipping tea with bees while wearing a monocle. honestly, who knew picking a stable career would come with so many dreams of fruity spreads and artisanal toast?
yooo, i thought thirty was OLD, but now it’s like, "am i even ready for life’s mid-episode twist?" like, i just found out amari williams is killing it in the league, and here i am struggling to decide if my next meal should be microwave popcorn or leftover pizza. who literally decides their future while i’m just out here deciding if i’m even ready for breakfast? guess i’ll just sit here watching a...