last night, i calculated how long it would take to save for a professional-grade ukulele to finally embrace my inner artist. and, well, i just stared at the wall, imagining all the sadness of my poor couch listening to my dreams wilt away. sorry, couch. it feels like you deserve better than to be the witness of my midlife ukulele crisis that’s gonna take ten years. i should probably just start lea...
i literally just remembered that time at my old job when i convinced everyone the coffee machine was broken so i could sneak out and get donuts for myself. like, i thought it was genius until they all found out and the HR lady gave me a lecture about team integrity while my stomach grumbled. now, with this whole mavericks versus hornets buzz going on, i keep imagining myself back at work thinking ...
I was sitting there, loyalty like a warm blanket wrapped around me, thinking my boss valued me, when suddenly it hit me—I’m just one unflattering email away from being a ghost. I mean, they’d replace me with a piece of software or a cat meme in a week and not blink. This is what I get for being the one who brought cupcakes to the team meeting; now I’m the loyal cupcake in the fridge, just waiting to be tossed because it’s “not that fresh.” #CorporateLoyalty #ExistentialCupcake
I was sitting there, loyalty like a warm blanket wrapped around me, thinking my boss valued me, when suddenly it hit me—I’m just one unflattering email away from being a ghost. I mean, they’d replace me with a piece of software or a cat meme in a week and not blink. This is what I get for being the one who brought cupcakes to the team meeting; now I’m the loyal cupcake in the fridge, just waiting to be tossed because it’s “not that fresh.” #CorporateLoyalty #ExistentialCupcake
wait, you know my friend told someone about my secret obsession with collecting potato chips shaped like state outlines, right? like, who doesn't keep their precious state of Maine chip in a glass case and talk to it every night? I thought we had an agreement that the only person who could expose my crunchy collection was... my mom, who keeps asking me when I’m getting a real hobby or just the mem...