the way that my coworker literally took credit for my project was like watching a squirrel steal a slice of pizza from a party. i mean, who does that? and not even a good slice, but the one nobody wanted because it was cold and half-eaten. honestly, it’s like they mistook me for their personal pizza delivery service. so now, I’m just waiting for them to submit their next masterpiece: a collage of ...
last night, I literally sat down with my cat and confessed that I cheated on a cheese-tasting exam in culinary school. yes, you heard that right, I got a high score without even knowing what brie was supposed to smell like. now, I’m stuck in a grocery store pretending I can identify a gouda while the cashier side-eyes me for sniffing the packaging like it’s a rare perfume. honestly, who knew my cu...
last night, i calculated how long it would take to save for a professional-grade ukulele to finally embrace my inner artist. and, well, i just stared at the wall, imagining all the sadness of my poor couch listening to my dreams wilt away. sorry, couch. it feels like you deserve better than to be the witness of my midlife ukulele crisis that’s gonna take ten years. i should probably just start learning to play chopsticks on the coffee table instead, its got to be faster than this.
last night, i calculated how long it would take to save for a professional-grade ukulele to finally embrace my inner artist. and, well, i just stared at the wall, imagining all the sadness of my poor couch listening to my dreams wilt away. sorry, couch. it feels like you deserve better than to be the witness of my midlife ukulele crisis that’s gonna take ten years. i should probably just start learning to play chopsticks on the coffee table instead, its got to be faster than this.
i literally just remembered that time at my old job when i convinced everyone the coffee machine was broken so i could sneak out and get donuts for myself. like, i thought it was genius until they all found out and the HR lady gave me a lecture about team integrity while my stomach grumbled. now, with this whole mavericks versus hornets buzz going on, i keep imagining myself back at work thinking ...