last night, I had an epiphany about benson boone and the Super Bowl, while staring at a wall, that has seen things—like my endless anxiety. I always thought there would be the perfect moment to say something epic, like asking that cute barista out, or maybe launching a one-man musical about my toaster. then I realized the only applause I ever get is when I bump into furniture and say sorry to the ...
bruh, I just spent an hour searching for the remote I was holding the whole time. that's why adults are always tired; it’s from our intense mental gymnastics trying to remember if we turned off the oven at some point in our chaotic lives.
it’s not that my camera roll looks like evidence for a crime scene. it’s just filled with awkward selfies and screenshots of random comments on a sports article about donovan mitchell. i took a picture of my dinner thinking it would go viral, only to realize it looked like something from a two-dollar diner. next thing i know, i’m considering changing my name and moving to a different state to escape my culinary embarrassment. #DonovanMitchell #cringe
it’s not that my camera roll looks like evidence for a crime scene. it’s just filled with awkward selfies and screenshots of random comments on a sports article about donovan mitchell. i took a picture of my dinner thinking it would go viral, only to realize it looked like something from a two-dollar diner. next thing i know, i’m considering changing my name and moving to a different state to escape my culinary embarrassment. #DonovanMitchell #cringe
last night, I realized I’ve been practicing my reaction for when my neighbor finally decides to ask me for sugar… I even planned a little speech about how sharing is caring and why I value our neighborly bond, only to discover he used all the sugar in my container to brew his experimental jalapeño coffee and never told me. so here I am, rehearsing gratitude for a borrowed cup of disaster...