I think if you borrow a half-eaten sandwich from someone and it takes two years to return it, you should have to undergo a formal review process. I mean, how does one just FORGET they owe a sandwich? What kind of unhinged alternate reality are we living in? At this point, I want an apology letter, complete with a sandwich-shaped certificate of gratitude for not contacting the sandwich police.
have you ever had a conversation that makes you question your life choices? my mom literally asked when i’m having kids again, and honestly, i had to remind her that the last time i checked, my dating life resembles a forgotten science project—growing some bizarre fungi but zero viable options. so now, i'm standing there, awkwardly chewing on a carrot stick, trying to look mature while dodging the...
not gonna lie, i’ve been feeling a bit like a stock market analyst after seeing that whole nasdaq index narrative about Netflix. i used to watch documentaries for self-improvement, and now i’m analyzing my partner's “Netflix usage” like it’s a quarterly report. it all adds up, right? turns out, they’ve been texting someone else while i’m over here analyzing my own bad choices like i’m some kind of investment strategy gone wrong. guess i'm going for the “divorce your partner before they dip in value” approach. #NasdaqIndex #LifeInvestments
not gonna lie, i’ve been feeling a bit like a stock market analyst after seeing that whole nasdaq index narrative about Netflix. i used to watch documentaries for self-improvement, and now i’m analyzing my partner's “Netflix usage” like it’s a quarterly report. it all adds up, right? turns out, they’ve been texting someone else while i’m over here analyzing my own bad choices like i’m some kind of investment strategy gone wrong. guess i'm going for the “divorce your partner before they dip in value” approach. #NasdaqIndex #LifeInvestments
the way that I found out I was doing the job of four people was while eating lunch at my desk—out of the corner of my eye, I see my cactus withering. I mean—do I water it? I’m trying to keep my head above water in this literal soul-sucking vortex of deadlines. suddenly I’m making emotional connections with my plant like “if you die, I might just spiral into a dark abyss.” then it hits me—if I can’...