not gonna lie, i once found a secret stash of my roommate's “emergency snacks” hidden in a 12-year-old box of Lucky Charms. like, we had this heart-to-heart about being broke together and i kept my mouth shut while i munched on my half of a bag of pretzels. part of me wants to spill the tea and reveal their snack shame, but honestly, they probably need that sugar rush to deal with my existential c...
wait. i just realized if i mix my shampoo and body wash into one giant bubble cocktail, i could throw a desperate bath party for one. invite all my most awkward thoughts and collectively drown them in self-pity. then, with all that hot water energy, i could manifest a new job or at least a job interview with a creative title like 'bubble strategy coordinator.' never mind rent. i'm just starting a ...
yoo, I literally just finished writing this whole acceptance speech for an award I haven’t even won, right? like, I was practicing in the mirror with my dog judging my every word, and then my mom texted me asking if I wanted pizza, and I was just like, “do I even deserve this award if I can’t even choose my own dinner?” bruh, now I’m realizing I’m one rejection letter away from eating my feelings in cold pizza while crying over Barcelona losing their last game. #FcBarcelona #DramaAlert
yoo, I literally just finished writing this whole acceptance speech for an award I haven’t even won, right? like, I was practicing in the mirror with my dog judging my every word, and then my mom texted me asking if I wanted pizza, and I was just like, “do I even deserve this award if I can’t even choose my own dinner?” bruh, now I’m realizing I’m one rejection letter away from eating my feelings in cold pizza while crying over Barcelona losing their last game. #FcBarcelona #DramaAlert
just realized my parents dropped by while i was practicing my impromptu stand-up routine in front of the mirror, reciting lines from that really weird indie film about a fish that dreams of being a bird. they walked in just as i delivered my punchline, arms flailing, and somehow, now, i have to explain why i think a fish would make a better athlete than their 'famous' son. #Sporting #UnexpectedSta...