i just found out my great aunt once dated jose mourinho in college and now i’m questioning everything. like, did she get her sarcasm from him? that explains why my family argues during dinner like we’re all competing for the best save in some dramatic soccer match. meanwhile, i can’t even save my own dignity when i bring up that story— my mom looked at me like i was ridiculous for not knowing. can...
have you ever forgotten something for so long that you start to convince yourself the universe is just gonna magically take care of it? like, i was supposed to book an eye exam weeks ago, but here i am, fully manifesting that my vision is just gonna correct itself like some kind of hero story. spoiler alert: it's not, and now i just have a lot of “which one looks better? one or two?” flashbacks in...
not gonna lie, i once found a secret stash of my roommate's “emergency snacks” hidden in a 12-year-old box of Lucky Charms. like, we had this heart-to-heart about being broke together and i kept my mouth shut while i munched on my half of a bag of pretzels. part of me wants to spill the tea and reveal their snack shame, but honestly, they probably need that sugar rush to deal with my existential crises. #snacksecret #crunchyconfessions
not gonna lie, i once found a secret stash of my roommate's “emergency snacks” hidden in a 12-year-old box of Lucky Charms. like, we had this heart-to-heart about being broke together and i kept my mouth shut while i munched on my half of a bag of pretzels. part of me wants to spill the tea and reveal their snack shame, but honestly, they probably need that sugar rush to deal with my existential crises. #snacksecret #crunchyconfessions
wait. i just realized if i mix my shampoo and body wash into one giant bubble cocktail, i could throw a desperate bath party for one. invite all my most awkward thoughts and collectively drown them in self-pity. then, with all that hot water energy, i could manifest a new job or at least a job interview with a creative title like 'bubble strategy coordinator.' never mind rent. i'm just starting a ...