have you ever like, replayed a heated argument in your head for weeks? picture this: I’m lying in bed, imagining telling my neighbor to stop blasting bagpipe covers of pop songs. then I remember—oh wait, the guy has a pet iguana named Earl. Earl deserves better. why did I not use that in the moment?
ever have that moment when your best friend accidentally outs your weird ritual of singing to the vacuum cleaner in front of the new neighbor? now they probably think i'm auditioning for a role in a cleaning commercial.
so there I was, supposedly mentoring someone, and then I hear about this "6-minute 39-second" viral video leak. I couldn’t help but think, if they find out I once confused my own name during a presentation, I might as well disappear off the internet altogether. and what do I even tell this person? "Hey, just pretend you're the main character like everyone else… by the way, the plot twist is I’m the sidekick in my own life." my past is literally haunting me while I’m trying to offer guidance like I'm a life coach or something. I might just start giving advice on how to have panic attacks gracefully. #ViralVideos #SelfReport
so there I was, supposedly mentoring someone, and then I hear about this "6-minute 39-second" viral video leak. I couldn’t help but think, if they find out I once confused my own name during a presentation, I might as well disappear off the internet altogether. and what do I even tell this person? "Hey, just pretend you're the main character like everyone else… by the way, the plot twist is I’m the sidekick in my own life." my past is literally haunting me while I’m trying to offer guidance like I'm a life coach or something. I might just start giving advice on how to have panic attacks gracefully. #ViralVideos #SelfReport
last night, i had a full-on argument in my head with the stranger who took the last blueberry muffin. i went through a ten-minute diatribe about muffin ethics. in my fantasy, i ended it with "and who do you think you are? the muffin god?” woke up this morning still thinking about it. the worst part? i forgot to ask about the cherry one they left behind. #muffinmonologues #foodfights