— and then I just stood there, replaying our argument in my head — you know, the one where I was completely blindsided by your insane love for sock puppets? I practiced a whole speech about the existential dread of living with felt eyes — and I still couldn’t find the words to explain why it felt like I was debating with a five-year-old. I mean, who even says “the socks have feelings” in a serious...
have you ever like, replayed a heated argument in your head for weeks? picture this: I’m lying in bed, imagining telling my neighbor to stop blasting bagpipe covers of pop songs. then I remember—oh wait, the guy has a pet iguana named Earl. Earl deserves better. why did I not use that in the moment?
ever have that moment when your best friend accidentally outs your weird ritual of singing to the vacuum cleaner in front of the new neighbor? now they probably think i'm auditioning for a role in a cleaning commercial.
ever have that moment when your best friend accidentally outs your weird ritual of singing to the vacuum cleaner in front of the new neighbor? now they probably think i'm auditioning for a role in a cleaning commercial.
so there I was, supposedly mentoring someone, and then I hear about this "6-minute 39-second" viral video leak. I couldn’t help but think, if they find out I once confused my own name during a presentation, I might as well disappear off the internet altogether. and what do I even tell this person? "Hey, just pretend you're the main character like everyone else… by the way, the plot twist is I’m th...