yooo, just got my screen time report and apparently I spent eight hours scrolling through videos of microwaving random objects — like, did I single-handedly try to become a culinary scientist or something? am I secretly hosting a YouTube series called "How to Ruin Your Dinner in Thirty Seconds or Less"? like, how did we get here?
it's not that i don’t care about money. it’s just that when my best friend told someone my secret about how i eat cake in the shower, i couldn't breathe. like, sure, warren buffett said cash is oxygen, but no one talks about the suffocating panic when you're caught eating frosting while simultaneously contemplating life choices. i thought we were supposed to keep secrets… next thing i know, they’r...
have you ever realized your friends have a secret snack club chat without you? i mean, i just discovered they’re picking flavors for the annual “hot sauce Olympics” while i sit here, in my funeral outfit, preparing for my social demise. they will never know the agony of bland chips. #secretclub #snackbetrayal
have you ever realized your friends have a secret snack club chat without you? i mean, i just discovered they’re picking flavors for the annual “hot sauce Olympics” while i sit here, in my funeral outfit, preparing for my social demise. they will never know the agony of bland chips. #secretclub #snackbetrayal
so, like, my friend invited me to this fancy dinner thing, right? i was literally ready to ghost because, you know, my bank account looks like it’s been through a desert. instead, i said i was busy. then, guess what, i saw her post on social media with a guy who works for PWC! she literally has not just dinner plans but seems to be living in a financial fairytale while i’m over here planning my ne...