it’s three a.m. and I’m scrolling through videos of Shaquille O’Neal roasting Rudy Gobert like it’s my only source of caffeine—day 56 of feeling like a has-been. my boss casually announces “team-building activities” like it’s not a euphemism for all of us pretending we love our jobs while dying inside—where’s the justice? suddenly I realize—here I am, wearing pajama pants to my remote meetings, ra...
honestly, the way i’ve been apologizing for my existence since birth is getting OLD. my relatives throw parties where the drama is like an NBA game. meanwhile, i'm at the snack table, low-key wondering if caleb love was this humble before breaking out. and then my aunt, after five margaritas, screams at me for “still being single” like it’s a foul play. plot twist: i just forgot to return my mom’s...
...so, like, I was trying to explain why I don't trust ceiling fans and somehow ended up telling everyone that I have a weird fear they’re secretly watching me and could literally drop me at any moment. Now my coworkers think I’m just a paranoid mess with a ceiling fan phobia, when really, I’m just trying to keep my delicate ice cream habit under control, like, honestly, it’s serious business.
...so, like, I was trying to explain why I don't trust ceiling fans and somehow ended up telling everyone that I have a weird fear they’re secretly watching me and could literally drop me at any moment. Now my coworkers think I’m just a paranoid mess with a ceiling fan phobia, when really, I’m just trying to keep my delicate ice cream habit under control, like, honestly, it’s serious business.
not gonna lie, I opened my camera roll and there’s a video of me trying to teach my cat how to fetch like he’s some sort of animal prodigy. it’s just me shouting “do it for the likes!” over and over while he stares blankly, like he's pondering the meaning of life. meanwhile, I just found out about the whole axis bank share price drama. if my investment strategies were as reliable as that cat’s ref...