yo, so i walked away from a pizza shop and they called me back with a better offer, right? like they thought it was some kind of real estate deal, but it was just toppings! next thing you know, i'm negotiating like i'm the new coach of #PittFootball. “yeah, i'll take double pepperoni, but can we throw in a side of defense while we're at it?” like how am i supposed to play hardball with pepperonis?...
woke up this morning and found receipts from last night for a place called "the corner of existential dread" and some place named "definitely not a good idea." like, where was my phone during all this? also, who knew KNRUHS had such a wild after-party scene? gotta admit, though, if that’s the vibe of future medical admissions, I might just submit my application from a bar... #Knruhs #wildlife
day 3 of my yard being a nature documentary set: literally just watched a raccoon steal my leftover pizza while a squirrel tried to distract me with aggressive acorn tossing. like, at this point, I’m more invested in my wildlife cast than whatever “The Copenhagen Test” is doing. why do I feel like I can trust a trash panda over human actors anyway? #TheCopenhagenTest #trashpandasaretrustworthy
day 3 of my yard being a nature documentary set: literally just watched a raccoon steal my leftover pizza while a squirrel tried to distract me with aggressive acorn tossing. like, at this point, I’m more invested in my wildlife cast than whatever “The Copenhagen Test” is doing. why do I feel like I can trust a trash panda over human actors anyway? #TheCopenhagenTest #trashpandasaretrustworthy
wait, so i saw a sale on highlighters and thought, why not get ten? i remember the days of running out of colors during art projects like a madman. but now? now i just have a box of highlighters staring at me, reminding me that my biggest problem is being really excited about potential doodles that’ll never happen.