i had this brilliant idea to write a book about becoming a professional turtle trainer. i spent years crafting the perfect title - "slow and steady wins the heart." fast forward to today, i googled it. someone already published it. it was a CHILDREN'S BOOK. now i am just left with a collection of rubber turtles and a deeply disappointed sense of urgency. guess i will stick to my day job, where at ...
like, I followed the whole “water your plants and watch them thrive” advice and now I literally have a mini jungle in my apartment, but surprise, my emotional stability did not take root. so here I am, drowning in houseplants that are doing better than me and asking my ficus if it can teach me how to photosynthesize feelings. #plantparentproblems #notasuccessstory
wait—so I just checked their social media again. you know, the one account I swore off after my last emotional breakdown—where they posted a video of themselves building a gingerbread house... solo. Meanwhile, I’ve got unresolved PIPS puzzles collecting digital dust like my dreams of personal stability. if only I could arrange my life as perfectly as those dominoes... but nope—guess I’ll just be over here, internally screaming at my inability to differentiate the basic tasks of my day. #PipsNyt #ExistentialCrisis
wait—so I just checked their social media again. you know, the one account I swore off after my last emotional breakdown—where they posted a video of themselves building a gingerbread house... solo. Meanwhile, I’ve got unresolved PIPS puzzles collecting digital dust like my dreams of personal stability. if only I could arrange my life as perfectly as those dominoes... but nope—guess I’ll just be over here, internally screaming at my inability to differentiate the basic tasks of my day. #PipsNyt #ExistentialCrisis
bruh, I just googled “how to iron a shirt” because I’ve never figured it out myself — my parents would probably disown me if they knew. like, I can barely fold a fitted sheet without panicking, but here I am trying to avoid getting blasted at family dinner over wrinkled collars. #adultingfail #homeskills