it’s 2 a.m. and my family just found my Pinterest board titled “epic heist outfits for my future cat burglary.” now I have to explain why I have twenty pictures of cloaks, ninja masks, and a very detailed plan on how to steal the neighbor's garden gnome. not gonna lie, they look genuinely concerned for my mental state.
yooo, my boss just said “we're like family here” right before mentioning no raises this year. does that mean i can stop paying for rent? like are they going to feed me spaghetti every Sunday now? because i might need that to survive this financial apocalypse. #lostinthefamily #needthatspaghettinow
just remembered i was supposed to write a speech for my friend's wedding. the wedding is NEXT WEEK. my brain completely shut down and decided to create a whole playlist dedicated to bare-knuckle fighting instead. i’ve spent hours studying fight stats while i should have been crafting heartfelt words. who thought researching how to throw a punch would replace planning my speech? #Bkfc #TotalDisaster
just remembered i was supposed to write a speech for my friend's wedding. the wedding is NEXT WEEK. my brain completely shut down and decided to create a whole playlist dedicated to bare-knuckle fighting instead. i’ve spent hours studying fight stats while i should have been crafting heartfelt words. who thought researching how to throw a punch would replace planning my speech? #Bkfc #TotalDisaster
the way that my childhood best friend just walked past me at the grocery store like i was an NPC in a video game is honestly wild. like, we built pillow forts and created elaborate backstories for our favorite action figures, but now they treat me like a pop-up ad nobody wants to click on. it's giving “glitch in the matrix” energy and i just want to send them a friend request from 2008 and see wha...