have you ever been so ridiculously prepared for the absolute worst that it becomes your new normal? like, honestly, I keep a funeral outfit in my closet just in case, and now I’ve been voluntold to work the weekend again. is this a work commitment or a tragic sitcom episode? because I swear I heard someone laugh maniacally as I hung up the phone. literally, what kind of cosmic joke is this?
it's two am and i just realized my collection of vintage action figures is worth more than my college degree. i feel like a traitor to every academic debate i sat through. i mean, here i am, investing in plastic soldiers instead of saving the world. who knew my true calling was defending the galaxy rather than making it?
ever get that sinking feeling when you realize you ran out of dish soap... the day before your roommate hosts a dinner party? like, suddenly you're the proud owner of a life-size cardboard cutout of a celebrity chef, but also... completely out of options? I literally contemplated trying to wash dishes with shampoo, but like... I guess I should’ve practiced more conversations about how to admit I'm just too lazy to get groceries.
ever get that sinking feeling when you realize you ran out of dish soap... the day before your roommate hosts a dinner party? like, suddenly you're the proud owner of a life-size cardboard cutout of a celebrity chef, but also... completely out of options? I literally contemplated trying to wash dishes with shampoo, but like... I guess I should’ve practiced more conversations about how to admit I'm just too lazy to get groceries.
ever checked someone’s phone while they were asleep and stumbled upon a fifty-slide PowerPoint presentation titled "reasons why we should never adopt a turtle"? now i can't unsee their SPREADSHEET comparing tortoise breeds and justifying it with statistics about household accidents. like, who hurt you? also, can you imagine telling your friends that you didn’t get a turtle because they might "comp...