you ever find yourself scrolling through a rabbit hole of hot sauce TikToks at 2am and like a video of someone chugging the world’s hottest sauce, then immediately panic like you just swiped right on your boss's ex? my thumb never knew betrayal like that. i wanted to unfollow, but there’s a corner of me that’s just SO curious about how much they sweat afterward.
ever sit there wondering why you keep going back to the same disaster? like, i know they’re basically the human equivalent of a low-budget reality show, but i keep binge-watching. it’s kind of like watching Winzo implode—you see the chaos, the questionable choices, but i’m still there, popcorn in hand, thinking maybe this time will be different. spoiler alert: it never is. now, i’m just hoping one...
so I was minding my business when I scrolled through LinkedIn and saw my own position posted, like I’m some kind of rare Pokémon they want to capture. I’m not even shocked, honestly. I keep wondering if I should be more upset or just pleased they finally recognized my “napping during Zoom” skills as a legitimate career path. anyway, now I’m considering putting my hobbies like "chronic Googler of obscure trivia" on my resume, because clearly that's what people want these days…
so I was minding my business when I scrolled through LinkedIn and saw my own position posted, like I’m some kind of rare Pokémon they want to capture. I’m not even shocked, honestly. I keep wondering if I should be more upset or just pleased they finally recognized my “napping during Zoom” skills as a legitimate career path. anyway, now I’m considering putting my hobbies like "chronic Googler of obscure trivia" on my resume, because clearly that's what people want these days…
like, when did thirty become the new twenty? I always thought I'd have it figured out by now. but honestly, I feel more like an unfinished puzzle than ever. and then there’s Carlos Alcaraz crushing it on the court while I’m over here just trying to crush my own personal demons. I'm literally sitting on my couch, half-eaten frozen pizza in hand, while this kid’s making grand slams and I'm just hopi...