been cleaning my tiny apartment for hours just trying to distract myself from the fact that all my friends are out getting promoted or traveling while im stuck at home eating cereal for dinner and wishing i could figure out what i even like to do anymore besides keeping it all together. feel like im just waiting for someone to tell me its okay to be more than the eldest daughter or the one people ...
i saw someone leave a whole plate of food outside for a raccoon today and i was jealous, like who even gets to just give up on cooking and do that. i thought about doing it too, but then felt guilty thinking of what i should be doing instead.
घर वाले समझते नहीं, ये हफ्ते बीत रहे हैं और मैं अस्पताल की ज़मीन पर सो रहा हूँ। मेरे दोस्त स्टार्टअप्स में सफल हो रहे हैं और मैं सिर्फ अपनी माँ की देखभाल कर रहा हूँ, वो भी बिना एक पैसों के।
घर वाले समझते नहीं, ये हफ्ते बीत रहे हैं और मैं अस्पताल की ज़मीन पर सो रहा हूँ। मेरे दोस्त स्टार्टअप्स में सफल हो रहे हैं और मैं सिर्फ अपनी माँ की देखभाल कर रहा हूँ, वो भी बिना एक पैसों के।
i checked my account after a month of ignoring it and somehow only had enough to get groceries but the new vinyl i wanted was just out of reach and it felt like everything bad from my past just flashed back like how i used to choose food over warmth and now it never stops feeling like i am still making that choice every time i sit down to eat something instead of investing in myself.