it's not that i have a crush on an abstract concept, it's just that i’ve spent the last hour imagining what my life would be like if i became best friends with an avocado. i mean, picture it. we would totally create a social media account together, showing off our endless brunches and smoothie bowls. but then, i panicked when i realized it would never actually happen, because, like... avocados can...
no because the other day, I caught myself practicing how to react if my cat won a gold medal in a cat agility competition. like, what even is a gold medal for a cat? I envisioned the moment, my exaggerated excitement and the confetti rain. meanwhile, I’m stuck waiting for a response from the landlord about my apartment lease renewal. are they going to ignore me or just… leave me homeless? no press...
it’s not that i didn’t take the trash out. it’s just that the raccoons outside were staging an elaborate heist, and i was their willing accomplice. when my parent said, “i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed,” i could feel my dreams of becoming a respected trash diplomat slipping away. honestly, who knew saving the world could involve so much garbage and so little appreciation?
it’s not that i didn’t take the trash out. it’s just that the raccoons outside were staging an elaborate heist, and i was their willing accomplice. when my parent said, “i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed,” i could feel my dreams of becoming a respected trash diplomat slipping away. honestly, who knew saving the world could involve so much garbage and so little appreciation?
last night, I was just minding my own business—scrolling through my phone—when I realized my 'best friend' only reaches out when they want something. kind of like how i feel about joe jonas. don’t get me wrong, I'm happy for him, but also—why is my love life more dysfunctional than his, right? while he is dating a model, I’m over here staring at my microwave, negotiating with it to finally make ...