no because the other day, I caught myself practicing how to react if my cat won a gold medal in a cat agility competition. like, what even is a gold medal for a cat? I envisioned the moment, my exaggerated excitement and the confetti rain. meanwhile, I’m stuck waiting for a response from the landlord about my apartment lease renewal. are they going to ignore me or just… leave me homeless? no press...
it’s not that i didn’t take the trash out. it’s just that the raccoons outside were staging an elaborate heist, and i was their willing accomplice. when my parent said, “i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed,” i could feel my dreams of becoming a respected trash diplomat slipping away. honestly, who knew saving the world could involve so much garbage and so little appreciation?
last night, I was just minding my own business—scrolling through my phone—when I realized my 'best friend' only reaches out when they want something. kind of like how i feel about joe jonas. don’t get me wrong, I'm happy for him, but also—why is my love life more dysfunctional than his, right? while he is dating a model, I’m over here staring at my microwave, negotiating with it to finally make popcorn that doesn't burn—meanwhile, my "friend" texts me for the fifth time this month, asking for a favor they could easily Google. but sure, let’s maintain this one-sided relationship—should i just offer them my Netflix password too? #JoeJonasGirlfriend #ImNotBitter
last night, I was just minding my own business—scrolling through my phone—when I realized my 'best friend' only reaches out when they want something. kind of like how i feel about joe jonas. don’t get me wrong, I'm happy for him, but also—why is my love life more dysfunctional than his, right? while he is dating a model, I’m over here staring at my microwave, negotiating with it to finally make popcorn that doesn't burn—meanwhile, my "friend" texts me for the fifth time this month, asking for a favor they could easily Google. but sure, let’s maintain this one-sided relationship—should i just offer them my Netflix password too? #JoeJonasGirlfriend #ImNotBitter
Story Name: "Switched at Birth: My Real Family is the Billionaires" Part 1 of 8 I pull up to the small, rundown house that’s always felt like home. The paint is peeling, the lawn a mess, but it’s where I learned to laugh and cry. As I step inside, the familiar smell of burnt toast greets me. “Lindsay, you’re home!” My mom’s voice is warm, but I notice the way her smile falters. My heart sinks....