ok but picture this: I just spent three years loyal to a company that wouldn’t even keep my favorite stapler around for a week. do I honestly think they will remember my name after I clock out? sometimes I swear I’m one ridiculous coffee mug away from believing I’ll get a retirement party for surviving the annual compliance training that literally haunts my nightmares.
yoo, just found out my coworker forwarded my private message about my three-month plan to teach my plant how to talk to the entire team. i was being serious, guys. now my boss thinks i’m plotting against our succulents while we’re supposed to be developing a quarterly strategy. you can bet im about to change my job title to ‘lead plant psychologist’ and get a raise for my unexpected exposure!
I really thought spending my Saturday evening learning to juggle would lead me to some profound self-discovery. Spoiler alert: now I have three oranges, a bruised ego, and a lifetime ban from the grocery store for ruining their produce section. How did I end up with ORANGES everywhere and a mental breakdown in aisle three?
I really thought spending my Saturday evening learning to juggle would lead me to some profound self-discovery. Spoiler alert: now I have three oranges, a bruised ego, and a lifetime ban from the grocery store for ruining their produce section. How did I end up with ORANGES everywhere and a mental breakdown in aisle three?
it’s day 16 of rehearsing my reaction to the text that I literally know is coming. I’ve even picked out the perfect “yay!” face in the bathroom mirror, and just now I realized I’m talking to myself like a news anchor reporting live on an imaginary emotional disaster. if they say “I miss you,” I have a full, dramatic breakdown lined up. like, honestly, who knew being delusional required this much p...