So my sibling just got the same weird branded water bottle that holds your emotions captive and is apparently “life-changing,” right? Meanwhile, I’m over here using the last one I bought at a gas station for my twenty-six-ounce family size soft drink and praying it won't burst from dehydration. I offered to trade them my prized mystery bag of expired snacks for a drink and they laughed like it was...
literally unsent a message about how i’ve been daydreaming of a life with a stranger who keeps stealing my yogurt at the communal fridge. like, do they even know how much I love mango? and now i have to pretend that the conversation we were going to have was a normal chat about work, when i’m lowkey obsessed with them... this is going to be SO awkward. #unsentmessages #delulu
have you ever stared into the abyss and realized the abyss is your coworker in a new power suit? yesterday, the same person who staged an office coup with three poorly placed emails got a promotion. now, they are sending me "inspirational" quotes daily, each one paired with an emoji of a cat wearing glasses. so here I am, preparing to learn life lessons from someone who once held a grudge against the stapler that ran out of staples on their watch.
have you ever stared into the abyss and realized the abyss is your coworker in a new power suit? yesterday, the same person who staged an office coup with three poorly placed emails got a promotion. now, they are sending me "inspirational" quotes daily, each one paired with an emoji of a cat wearing glasses. so here I am, preparing to learn life lessons from someone who once held a grudge against the stapler that ran out of staples on their watch.
not gonna lie, i just realized that i’m the reason my houseplants keep dying. i was out here blaming them for being “too sensitive” while i was overwatering them like they were a friend who needed emotional support. now my living room looks like a graveyard for leaves. it's basically a crime scene that my cats don't even care about. #plantparentfail #whathaveidone