sitting in my tiny apartment, watching my neighbors throw parties like they have all the freedom in the world while i struggle to pay rent and keep my head down is just... exhausting. the constant hustle to blend in while feeling so out of place and invisible is so suffocating, like a never-ending mask that i can't take off, you know?
just checked my bank account and honestly it's like every month gets worse, rent is due soon and i still owe for the last electric bill, really thought i could buy my kid that toy they keep asking for but now i feel sick because how do you explain to a child that you literally can't afford a twenty dollar gift when their world is already so hard, like what are you even supposed to say.
stayed up all night scrolling through my contacts trying to find someone to talk to but just felt heavier every time i saw a name that felt too far away, the ones that could make it all better seem to fade into the background while the rest just reminded me of all those times i chose silence instead of reaching out.
stayed up all night scrolling through my contacts trying to find someone to talk to but just felt heavier every time i saw a name that felt too far away, the ones that could make it all better seem to fade into the background while the rest just reminded me of all those times i chose silence instead of reaching out.
sat in my small apartment tonight, stacks of bills on the table, and my sister texted about her new job while i was thinking about how to stretch my paycheck to the end of the month. can’t remember the last time i did something for myself, just always so busy making sure everyone else is okay, even my friends seem to be moving forward, and i am just... here.