honestly just stood in my kitchen, awkwardly making eye contact with my houseplant. someone said "i love you" and my brain froze like a browser with thirty tabs open. i panicked and blurted "thank you" as if they were handing me a compliment sandwich. now my ficus thinks we are in a relationship and i am one awkward conversation away from explaining polyamory to a potted plant.
it’s day 47 of me believing my neighbor will somehow become my best friend — I accidentally sent a five-minute voice message meant for my long-lost cousin to the whole block chat. I can only imagine the horror as they listened to me practice my speech about the merits of hot sauce in cereal.
it's not that i care that much... it’s just that i am LOWKEY infuriated with my neighbor’s hedge. i imagined an epic confrontation where i storm over and shout that their hedge is literally the reason for my terrible Wi-Fi signal. why didn’t i say this when they asked me about the weather last week? now every time i see them, i am gritting my teeth like some overdramatic villain, and they have NO IDEA i’m plotting revenge with lawn decor. like, just get a real job instead of contributing to my internet issues.
it's not that i care that much... it’s just that i am LOWKEY infuriated with my neighbor’s hedge. i imagined an epic confrontation where i storm over and shout that their hedge is literally the reason for my terrible Wi-Fi signal. why didn’t i say this when they asked me about the weather last week? now every time i see them, i am gritting my teeth like some overdramatic villain, and they have NO IDEA i’m plotting revenge with lawn decor. like, just get a real job instead of contributing to my internet issues.
day 12 of crafting the perfect apology email because i accidentally took the last cupcake at the office party. so there i was, triple texting my coworker to offer them my deep, sincere condolences, then googled how to fake my own death to escape this fate. no one warned me that office etiquette could spiral this dramatically.