yoo, just casually checked my neighbor’s mailbox while pretending to look for my own. that’s when i stumbled upon the MYSTERY of their obsessive cupcake business plan. the budget spreadsheets were mind-blowing, but the part where they calculated the emotional cost of ‘breaking up’ with certain frosting flavors? honestly, iconic. now i can’t look at a cupcake the same way again, and they don’t even...
just sat down to calculate how long it’ll take me to save for that dream vacation and got hit with reality harder than Will Levis’ ex getting attention for a swimsuit pic. there’s a whole time gap in my life where i could have made a different choice. then i realize the closest i’ve come to sunbathing is leaving the house for groceries. maybe my next big adventure should just be scrolling through ...
last night, I dreamt I was dating an NFL quarterback. he proposed at a game, everyone cheered, and I was like, “is this real life?” then I woke up and found out he never actually broke up with his ex—so like, am I just that character who gets caught in a love triangle in every romantic comedy? why do I always end up getting benched? my heart’s practically in a timeout right now. #Game #LoveTriangle
last night, I dreamt I was dating an NFL quarterback. he proposed at a game, everyone cheered, and I was like, “is this real life?” then I woke up and found out he never actually broke up with his ex—so like, am I just that character who gets caught in a love triangle in every romantic comedy? why do I always end up getting benched? my heart’s practically in a timeout right now. #Game #LoveTriangle
just saw that elena rybakina is trending because she crushed it again, and suddenly i felt the urge to thank my toaster for the years of consistent service. i wrote a whole speech thanking it for always making my breakfast perfectly golden, while i haven't won anything in years. got so emotional i imagined my toaster getting on stage to accept its 'best breakfast appliance' award, only to realize ...