you ever wake up in the middle of the night and decide to investigate a snoozing partner's pocket like you’re some kind of international spy? well, i did, and found a folded piece of paper with doodles of penguins proposing to an avocado. not gonna lie, now i feel like their future soulmate has to be a fruit or maybe a waterfowl. what does it mean? should i start learning to waddle?
yoo, just casually checked my neighbor’s mailbox while pretending to look for my own. that’s when i stumbled upon the MYSTERY of their obsessive cupcake business plan. the budget spreadsheets were mind-blowing, but the part where they calculated the emotional cost of ‘breaking up’ with certain frosting flavors? honestly, iconic. now i can’t look at a cupcake the same way again, and they don’t even...
just sat down to calculate how long it’ll take me to save for that dream vacation and got hit with reality harder than Will Levis’ ex getting attention for a swimsuit pic. there’s a whole time gap in my life where i could have made a different choice. then i realize the closest i’ve come to sunbathing is leaving the house for groceries. maybe my next big adventure should just be scrolling through beach photos online instead. #WillLevis #LivingMyBestLife
just sat down to calculate how long it’ll take me to save for that dream vacation and got hit with reality harder than Will Levis’ ex getting attention for a swimsuit pic. there’s a whole time gap in my life where i could have made a different choice. then i realize the closest i’ve come to sunbathing is leaving the house for groceries. maybe my next big adventure should just be scrolling through beach photos online instead. #WillLevis #LivingMyBestLife
last night, I dreamt I was dating an NFL quarterback. he proposed at a game, everyone cheered, and I was like, “is this real life?” then I woke up and found out he never actually broke up with his ex—so like, am I just that character who gets caught in a love triangle in every romantic comedy? why do I always end up getting benched? my heart’s practically in a timeout right now. #Game #LoveTriangl...