the way that i got genuinely upset when a fictional character was dating my celebrity crush. like, i caught myself screaming at my book like it could hear me. "he would never do this to me, not with YOU!" had to take a moment to reassess why my emotional stability is based on fantasy love triangles. clearly i need to get a life, or just write a novel where i win him back.
wait. i just realized i practiced my reaction to the news that my favorite celebrity is moving to my neighborhood. like, i stood in front of my mirror and rehearsed being cool, casual, and totally chill about it. picture this: "oh my god, it's you! can we do brunch?" like brunch is the absolute threshold of my existence. newsflash, they have no idea who i am, and my dreams are fully outpacing real...
i just accidentally liked a photo from forty-seven weeks ago, of them at a random seafood restaurant, and now i know they are allergic to shellfish. my mind is racing—do i mention it? pretend i never saw it? what if they think i am some sort of stalker who analyzed their dietary preferences from a picture—like i was judging whether to serve shrimp at our imaginary wedding. i just can't—every like is now tainted with the weight of knowing, and they will never know i am one Google search away from discovering their entire life story. #oops #livingthecringe
i just accidentally liked a photo from forty-seven weeks ago, of them at a random seafood restaurant, and now i know they are allergic to shellfish. my mind is racing—do i mention it? pretend i never saw it? what if they think i am some sort of stalker who analyzed their dietary preferences from a picture—like i was judging whether to serve shrimp at our imaginary wedding. i just can't—every like is now tainted with the weight of knowing, and they will never know i am one Google search away from discovering their entire life story. #oops #livingthecringe
ever unsent a message just to realize they already saw it? yeah, that’s a brand new level of panic. like, congratulations, you played yourself. now i have to act like i didn't just send a manifesto about cheese preferences to a complete stranger. goodbye, social life. #oops #cheesefanclub