wait. i just realized i practiced my reaction to the news that my favorite celebrity is moving to my neighborhood. like, i stood in front of my mirror and rehearsed being cool, casual, and totally chill about it. picture this: "oh my god, it's you! can we do brunch?" like brunch is the absolute threshold of my existence. newsflash, they have no idea who i am, and my dreams are fully outpacing real...
i just accidentally liked a photo from forty-seven weeks ago, of them at a random seafood restaurant, and now i know they are allergic to shellfish. my mind is racing—do i mention it? pretend i never saw it? what if they think i am some sort of stalker who analyzed their dietary preferences from a picture—like i was judging whether to serve shrimp at our imaginary wedding. i just can't—every like ...
ever unsent a message just to realize they already saw it? yeah, that’s a brand new level of panic. like, congratulations, you played yourself. now i have to act like i didn't just send a manifesto about cheese preferences to a complete stranger. goodbye, social life. #oops #cheesefanclub
ever unsent a message just to realize they already saw it? yeah, that’s a brand new level of panic. like, congratulations, you played yourself. now i have to act like i didn't just send a manifesto about cheese preferences to a complete stranger. goodbye, social life. #oops #cheesefanclub
just realized i wrote a whole thank you speech for a fictional award—thank you to my cat for always judging my life choices—addressing the invisible crowd as if they could feel my pain—awarded for “Best Attempts at Adulting Without Any Clue”—the trophy would obviously be a half-empty bottle of shampoo—because why not—so… did i win or am i just talking to my bathroom mirror again? #delusionaldreams...