the way that i found out my partner was texting someone else was literally because i ordered a life-sized cardboard cutout of my favorite villain as a gag gift, and the delivery guy asked for my partner's signature like they were the CEO of my HEART. now i am left standing there with a CUTOUT and a lot of questions, honestly.
yooo, just found out my family still talks about my ex like they were the greatest thing since sliced bread, and I’m over here literally Googling how to turn my new partner’s surname into a pun that sounds fun at dinner.
last night, I bought three novelty rubber ducks because they were "just too cute" but now I realize I still need to buy... well, actual essentials like, you know, groceries? it's like, who needs food when you can have a collection of ducks wearing tiny sunglasses, right? honestly, if I put the ducks in a row, they look more organized than my life ever will. #adultingfail #priorities
last night, I bought three novelty rubber ducks because they were "just too cute" but now I realize I still need to buy... well, actual essentials like, you know, groceries? it's like, who needs food when you can have a collection of ducks wearing tiny sunglasses, right? honestly, if I put the ducks in a row, they look more organized than my life ever will. #adultingfail #priorities
day 15 of pretending my life is together, and i just found out my job was posted online. instead of panicking, i planned my acceptance speech for a non-existent award for “best at faking confidence.” how do i tell my mom i have been practicing to accept a ‘smart TV’ for years, while i can't even get my actual life together? # #awardspeech