yooo, just wrote a text to my ex about how their life is probably falling apart. because they moved to a city with a marathon and there’s like, people running for causes, while I’m literally here questioning my life choices over instant noodles. bruh, I’m in an emotional spiral thinking about those cancer survivors living their best lives while I can’t even survive the sprint from my couch to the ...
last night, I finally had the courage to tell my best friend about my most embarrassing moment — how I once used an expired coupon thinking I was gonna get a great deal, only to be told it was from two decades ago, while an older man cackled in line behind me — and today, I hear my secret made its way into a casual group chat, alongside some unsolicited advice about financial literacy from someone...
literally just checked my camera roll and I might as well have a detailed alibi for an unsolved crime. like, I have a five-minute video of a cat trying to catch its tail, but there's also a photo of a sink covered in pizza sauce, and honestly, I can't explain that to anyone without sounding completely unhinged. if I get called to court, I will need a very good lawyer, and possibly some therapy. #courtcaseconfessions #unexpectedevidence
literally just checked my camera roll and I might as well have a detailed alibi for an unsolved crime. like, I have a five-minute video of a cat trying to catch its tail, but there's also a photo of a sink covered in pizza sauce, and honestly, I can't explain that to anyone without sounding completely unhinged. if I get called to court, I will need a very good lawyer, and possibly some therapy. #courtcaseconfessions #unexpectedevidence
not gonna lie, i just got voluntold to work the weekend again while trying to watch the trailer for that new taylor sheridan thing. so there i was, tearing up about fictional cowboys, only to realize i’m just a ranch hand in this soul-sucking office, moving papers like a pack mule. instead of sipping whiskey by the campfire with kurt russell, i’m going to be face deep in spreadsheets wondering how...