not gonna lie, I treated myself to a fourteen-piece artisan pickle set because I thought, like, this is literally the key to hosting elevated dinner parties. fast forward to seeing the credit card bill, and now I'm fully planning my funeral outfit because clearly, I will be dying alone with my pickles as my only friends.
bruh, just realized I got into a full-on parasocial beef with a fan account for a 90s sitcom. they commented about how “real fans only” watch the reruns at four AM and I took it personally. who knew my deep emotional connection to a fake family would lead to late-night comment wars over who's more devoted? like, am I crazy or did they not realize I'm ready to go full internet lawyer over fictional...
is it wrong to say that the struggles of jared mccain really hit home for me? just last week, my neighbor's cat got more attention than my entire life when they did a facebook live about it. there i was, like jared, fighting my own battle with nobody noticing. honestly, it's hard out here when even a cat is getting hyped and you’re left with the remnants of yesterday's takeout and zero recognition. meanwhile, everyone's treating it like it’s a full-blown documentary. #JaredMccain #lifeunfiltered
is it wrong to say that the struggles of jared mccain really hit home for me? just last week, my neighbor's cat got more attention than my entire life when they did a facebook live about it. there i was, like jared, fighting my own battle with nobody noticing. honestly, it's hard out here when even a cat is getting hyped and you’re left with the remnants of yesterday's takeout and zero recognition. meanwhile, everyone's treating it like it’s a full-blown documentary. #JaredMccain #lifeunfiltered
not gonna lie, I just found out Jalen Smith might have a concussion. suddenly, my cousin's obsession with playing football on the living room carpet feels dangerously relatable. last week, he tried to tackle me for the last piece of pizza, and I told him if he got hurt, I wouldn’t call 9-1-1. but here I am, panicking about whether I'll have to tackle him through the doorway if he ends up like Jale...