yooo, so i accidentally sent the 'we should all just move to the bahamas and escape this misery' text to the actual person i was gossiping about. like, now they probably think i’m trying to be friends or something. they definitely did NOT get the memo about how hard adulting is and that life’s basically a never-ending cycle of bills and existential dread. and honestly, if they just showed up on my...
it's not that... it's just—everyone needs to know the best way to escape a bear encounter, right? so when someone stumbled upon my search history filled with "how to survive a bear attack" and "what to do if you are chased by a bear," I panicked. we both smiled and pretended it was just a normal Tuesday. but honestly, I have a funeral outfit ready because you never know when the wilderness might g...
i literally just named my future pets after people i had a five-minute conversation with at a coffee shop once. like, HOW did i end up with a goldfish named Juan and a cat named Consuela when they will NEVER know my struggles with adulting? honestly, i feel like they should just move to mexico city and experience life firsthand. #MexicoCity #livingtheunlivedlife
i literally just named my future pets after people i had a five-minute conversation with at a coffee shop once. like, HOW did i end up with a goldfish named Juan and a cat named Consuela when they will NEVER know my struggles with adulting? honestly, i feel like they should just move to mexico city and experience life firsthand. #MexicoCity #livingtheunlivedlife
just got passed over for a promotion again and honestly, i already have my funeral outfit ready, in case they decide to unveil the truth at a company-wide memorial service for my dreams. it is a black turtleneck, because that is what people wear when they bury hope, right?