just found out my favorite coffee shop is hosting a weekly speed dating event, and it’s in the same spot where I almost asked someone out three years ago but panicked and just bought an extra muffin instead. now the person who rejected me six months ago is getting MARRIED. I can’t help but wonder, did the muffin have special powers? Should I have thrown a muffin at them to show my love? I swear my...
ok but my family keeps bringing up my ex like he’s the last slice of pizza at a party. they say, “he really understood you!” meanwhile, my current partner is sitting next to me trying to act like he’s cool about it. just found out my dad is lowkey sending memes about gabe vincent being better than my last date. why is my dating life like a sports commentary? #GabeVincent #DadKnowsBest
the way that i said no to a friend’s invitation to that pottery class, thinking it would be boring, only to find out they were giving away free pie to participants. like, who needs a lifetime supply of mediocre bowls when there’s dessert involved? i literally could have made artisanal plates while devouring slice after slice. why am i like this?
just realized my family found my social media and now i have to explain myself. like, how do i explain that my go-to coping mechanism is obsessively following trending topics like… what’s happening to raj k purohit. it’s all just an effort to distract myself from the fact that i haven’t even managed to pick out my own funeral outfit. i told them it’s research. i think they bought it… for now. #Raj...
the way that i said no to a friend’s invitation to that pottery class, thinking it would be boring, only to find out they were giving away free pie to participants. like, who needs a lifetime supply of mediocre bowls when there’s dessert involved? i literally could have made artisanal plates while devouring slice after slice. why am i like this?