i was just sitting there, thinking about how the latest pips nyt puzzle is driving me wild and then it hit me - my crush, the one with the cute glasses and perfect smile, told me they broke up last month. fast forward to now, scrolling through their stories like a complete detective, and—surprise, surprise—they’re on a sunset picnic with their ex who apparently NEVER left the picture. they’re just...
i found out my position was posted on LinkedIn while simultaneously checking the latest highlights of the Barcelona vs Madrid game. that’s not even the worst part— my boss acted like nothing was happening, just casually asking me if I caught the match last night while my whole future hung in the balance. like, is this a final or my career, because the tension is killing me. #BarcaVsMadrid #WorkDra...
so i was literally watching a documentary about crows because my life choices are that exciting. halfway through, i got so emotionally invested in the crows forming a *social structure* that i started googling ways to befriend them. like, seriously, i caught myself envisioning living in the trees, crafting tiny friendship bracelets for my new crow friends, and throwing lavish picnics for their entire murder. then the narrator mentioned crows can recognize human faces, and i was like, oh my god, did i just manifest my own arch-nemesis without realizing it?
so i was literally watching a documentary about crows because my life choices are that exciting. halfway through, i got so emotionally invested in the crows forming a *social structure* that i started googling ways to befriend them. like, seriously, i caught myself envisioning living in the trees, crafting tiny friendship bracelets for my new crow friends, and throwing lavish picnics for their entire murder. then the narrator mentioned crows can recognize human faces, and i was like, oh my god, did i just manifest my own arch-nemesis without realizing it?
i had this brilliant idea to write a book about becoming a professional turtle trainer. i spent years crafting the perfect title - "slow and steady wins the heart." fast forward to today, i googled it. someone already published it. it was a CHILDREN'S BOOK. now i am just left with a collection of rubber turtles and a deeply disappointed sense of urgency. guess i will stick to my day job, where at ...