wait, so my weekend plans were literally canceled because I was "voluntold" to work again. just found out my manager tweeted something deep about the universe right after Elon Musk's latest tweet. like, what do they know that I don't? now I’m stuck here Googling if quantum physics can help me escape. #ElonMusksLatestTweetSparksCont #ExistentialCrisis
it's not that i care about my family's opinion, it's just that every dinner feels like an interrogation about my ex's impeccable gardening skills. like, seriously? i can't even keep a cactus alive, and now they're reminiscing about him WHILE I am holding a wilted salad in my hand. i just wanted to say "how about the new guy?", but... then i saw him on the last family group chat, posting an extensi...
literally just told my coworker i couldn't make it to the office party because i had “plans,” and then spent the whole night on my couch debating whether or not it was too soon to propose to Hania Aamir as my fictional wife—i mean, she seems fun but what if she doesnt like cheese? and now i can't stop imagining what could've happened if i said yes to that party invitation—did i just miss my chance to find my soulmate or the best mozzarella stick of my life? #HaniaAmir #whydididothis
literally just told my coworker i couldn't make it to the office party because i had “plans,” and then spent the whole night on my couch debating whether or not it was too soon to propose to Hania Aamir as my fictional wife—i mean, she seems fun but what if she doesnt like cheese? and now i can't stop imagining what could've happened if i said yes to that party invitation—did i just miss my chance to find my soulmate or the best mozzarella stick of my life? #HaniaAmir #whydididothis
wait, so hearing about the pro bowl twenty twenty six got me thinking. I just imagined a world where I’m a star athlete, but instead of playing, I’m sitting alone in my apartment planning my emotional acceptance speech for when I inevitably miss my shot. that’s when I realized, my biggest competition is my ex sitting at home thinking about his next move in the Super Bowl of his life. little do I ...