it's not that i think my family is wrong for wanting the ex back, it's just that they don't seem to remember how he knocked over the punch bowl at my birthday party. now they keep comparing my current partner to him like he's some kind of perfect catch, while i’m just here Googling symptoms for potential cardiac episodes at the mention of his name. it’s the dramatic spiral of hearing them say "oh,...
last night I was casually scrolling through news about the Mavericks vs. Knicks. I just realized my boss literally could not pick me out of a lineup even if I was the only one there. but here I am, answering emails on a Saturday like I'm some loyal player on a winning team. spoiler alert: if I get benched, they will replace me faster than the game hits overtime. #MavericksVsKnicks #LifeIsUnfair
wait, just double texted, then triple texted, then considered faking my own death over someone who probably doesn't even remember my name, while now realizing if Amanda Batula can be in a marriage for four years and still have it blow up, my seven months of mild crush embarrassment is literally child’s play, right? #AmandaBatula #Relatable
wait, just double texted, then triple texted, then considered faking my own death over someone who probably doesn't even remember my name, while now realizing if Amanda Batula can be in a marriage for four years and still have it blow up, my seven months of mild crush embarrassment is literally child’s play, right? #AmandaBatula #Relatable
ever typed out a heartfelt breakup text to your houseplant because you thought it was dying, only to get a reply in my head saying 'ok' and realized you literally just dumped a FICUS? now I'm considering a life where I cannot speak to anything living.