it's not that i'm jealous or anything. it’s just that when my situationship introduced me to their aunt as "a friend," i pictured our entire life together. like, i had already planned out our Thanksgiving menu and was practicing my speech for the family roast - i was going to claim my spot as the favorite. then i overheard her asking me for my 'Instagram handle' and i froze because— what is an Ins...
bruh, just found out felix auger-aliassime retired in the first round of the Australian Open, and honestly, it hit me harder than when I found out my favorite restaurant switched their menu. like, there I was, staying loyal to my job, knowing full well they would replace me in a week for someone who’s literally just a spreadsheet. now I’m sitting here imagining felix trying to move while I’m stuck...
bruh, so there I was at this holiday dinner, totally minding my business with my fourth serving of mashed potatoes. then, out of nowhere, my great aunt starts giving a heartfelt speech about my life choices while the ham is literally sweating on the table. she then says she’s concerned about my “future” and asks if I’m going to get my life together, so I panicked and revealed my secret hobby of building elaborate LEGO castles in the dark. next thing I know, I’m being labeled the family “artist” and I’ve officially sparked an intervention, all while my mom just kept trying to pass me more cranberry sauce, like it was gonna make everything better.
bruh, so there I was at this holiday dinner, totally minding my business with my fourth serving of mashed potatoes. then, out of nowhere, my great aunt starts giving a heartfelt speech about my life choices while the ham is literally sweating on the table. she then says she’s concerned about my “future” and asks if I’m going to get my life together, so I panicked and revealed my secret hobby of building elaborate LEGO castles in the dark. next thing I know, I’m being labeled the family “artist” and I’ve officially sparked an intervention, all while my mom just kept trying to pass me more cranberry sauce, like it was gonna make everything better.
you ever have that moment where you realize you’re the person in your family’s chaotic stories? like, my grandma brought up the time i tried to bring back dial-up internet to fix the family’s Wi-Fi, and that’s when it hit me, the ONLY reason we have issues is ME. guess who is now also the reason behind their support group. #familydrama #oops